I name this baby..... Ethel????!!!

There was one of those classic “let’s point out the bleedin’ obvious” surveys in all the papers this week about baby names that are falling out of fashion.

Apparently, no-one these days wants to call their cute little baby girl Ethel, Norah or Ada.

And for ’ickle boys, names like Ernest, Clifford or Leonard are, amazingly, no longer popular.

Well, of course they’re falling out of fashion. They are all blardy horrible names.

Imagine the looks you’d get at toddler group if your little bundle of fun was doing something naughty.

“Ernest, Ernest... don’t do that dear!”

Cue huge guffaws from other mums for the next three hours.

Mind you, they’re not as bad as some of the slightly more modern names from the 60s and 70s - which sound even more stupid today.

Trevor, Gary, Nigel, Marie, Denise, Sharon - no baby would ever survive with such hideous monikers in 2008.

Naming your baby is a very personal decision, we’re always told.

No, it’s not.

You also have a public duty to ensure your offspring does not end up looking like a total pillock.

Not that I support going for the most "popular" name of the decade either.

If people were banned from calling their son Jack from now on, I wouldn’t be at all bothered.

It is a boring name and there are too many of them. Think of something else.

Similarly, there are quite enough Olivias and Megans, these days.

If you are thinking of calling your children any of these, you are obviously very dull and need to get out more.

Here’s some much better options from the world of showbiz to inspire you...

* Moon Unit (Frank Zappa)

* Jermajesty (Jermaine Jackson)

* Sage Moonblood (Sylvester Stallone)

* Pilot Inspektor (Jason Lee)

* Camera (Arthur Ashe)


Go on, get to the register office quick...